Saturday, February 27, 2010

Vince McMahon World’s Best Bad Investor Part Two

Earlier this week I promised to deliver a sequel to my critically acclaimed critical look at Vince McMahon and a small sampling of what is surely a plethora of bad business moves. Surely, I could easily push this promise aside just like Vince pushed all his promises aside to Brett Hart in the mid-90’s. However, I am a far more noble man than Vince McMahon could ever hope to be, and unlike him I care not only about the financial success of ETS Daily but also the happiness of all my readers even if it means slightly more work. Fortunately for me the two usually go hand in hand; something Vince would be wise to learn and something ever fan would surely benefit from. Moving on: We’ve already talked about the past (Hulk Hogan) and the future (Bryan Danielson), so now let’s take a look at the middle ground.

HHH (Hunter Hearst Hogan): Before getting to the substance of my article, I feel it necessary to take a quick detour. I will however continue along the same road, that road being one paved with tumultuous insults and criticisms. While HHH is no were near as bad a worker as Hulk Hogan was he surely is undeserving of the praise and position he receives. Like Hogan, HHH took moderate ability (below average in Hogan’s case) and politicked his way to the top. For each man the world revolves around them, their egos bigger than their arms and their move sets as small as their brains. *HHH was once a great worker, but would now much rather incorporate himself into comedy skits in an attempt to mock (devalue) other workers. Thus making him a culprit in Vince’s bad investments. However, Vince’s guilt in this situation is slightly different. In this case as was the case with Hogan, Vince is guilty of overinvesting in a one dimensional dime a dozen worker. To put it in terms of the Olympics, HHH is a bronze medal worker (ironically the same color as his skin), yet Vince is continually puts HHH at the top of the podium. HHH wears the big gold belt around his bronze colored waist and every second he does he devalues it. Just liked a cheap “gold” necklace the next poor soul to wear it is stuck not only with an ugly green tinge on their skin, but also layers of low-priced bronzer. By selling bronze as a certified gold product, Vince is messing with the free market and the economic idea of rational self interest, he isn’t getting a fair market return on his investment and the fans aren’t getting what the paid for.

Elijah Burke: Initially Vince was guilty once again of attaching a prestigious product (Burke) with a steaming pile of shit (Sylvester Terkay). Rather than use Burke for his talent which includes tremendous public speaking skills and even more superior athletic ability, Vince thought it better to use his gift of gab to get a man who lacked any skill over. Fortunately for a brief period of time Vince allowed Elijah to spread his proverbial wings. During this time Elijah’s “stock” grew, he proved to the world he could walk the walk and wrestle the wrestle, he had established a fan base, a move set and even some catch phrases (5-UP!). Sadly, circumstances were reminiscent of the lead character in a recent motion picture masterpiece; Vince had only appeared to learn his lesson and quickly reverted to his old ways. After barley a year (counting from the firing of Terkay) of shining through the filth that is a majority (although not all) of the WWE roster and sporadically appearing on TV; Burke was fired. Vince had made some major investments (including a Wrestlemania match), he had bought into Burke stock low when he was a relative unknown and had fired him when his stock was high, as a bonafide athlete (albeit one who frequently jobbed out). While such methods work great in the stock market, wrestlers are the type of stock that pay weekly dividends rather than lump sum payments at the time of sale. When you build up a wrestler you hold on to him until he stops paying dividends, when he loses the ability to work, not when they are at the top of their physical game. Luckily Vince isn’t the only investor in the market, and Elijah seems to be doing quite well for himself in a place that allows him to utilize his assets and the fans to appreciate them.

While I would love to say that Vince has learned from his mistakes and that the product is on a never ending upward swing, I am not that naive. Luckily for ETS Daily readers that means that more Vince articles will surely be posted in the future
Friday, February 26, 2010

ETS Launches New Fan Initiatives

It has come to the attention to myself, and the rest of the ETS Daily staff have become aware of some problems with out current comment system. While we are unable to rewrite the coding for the site, we have found another way to accommodate our legions of loyal fans; who up until now have been unable to get into contact with us. That being said, ETS Daily is proud to announce the launching of the official ETS Daily Form Spring Me. We encourage all our fans having trouble with our current comment system to leave hate mail, constructive criticism, article comments, praise for your favorite ETS staffer and suggestions for future articles at .
You can also connect with us at our brand new Myspace at

We look forward to hearing from all of you.
Thursday, February 25, 2010

Open Letter to EA Sports Regarding NBA Live 10

Below is my letter to EA Sports, it is my personal suggestions to EA about how they can improve the realism of their game NBA Live 10. There isn't really much of an intro I can give you, just read and you'll understand.

Dear Electronic Arts,

I’m writing to inform you of some less than realistic portions of your game NBA Live 10. I have no complaints about the gameplay or the graphics, those are both stellar and I love the way you’ve improved them every year. I do however have a complaint about the atmosphere you present in certain arenas in the game, specifically the IZOD Center. Now, I understand that you try to make the game enjoyable to play even if specific teams make that unbearably difficult, although I think you could significantly improve your game by making it painfully realistic. I am a fan of the New Jersey Nets and part of the atmosphere I love at the ‘ZOD is the horrific silence during most of the game, in your game however, there is usually a fair amount of cheering. The fact that the arena always appears almost full is also something of concern, in recent history futility and lack of fan support has been a staple in the culture of the New Jersey Nets. I think since the Nets don’t have any players good enough, or with enough personality to have a cool pre-game ritual animation, you should just have the camera pan over the empty seats of the IZOD Center, and show the local fans of the visiting team cheering. That would add a lot of realism to your game in that aspect, also you don’t show many animations during stoppage of play, maybe a quick look at CDR tweeting on the bench, or Yi disgracing America during the National Anthem would make the gameplay feel more like watching a broadcast. My last complaint is lack of team specific announcers, I would play your game until my xbox melted the disc if you added commentary from Ian Eagle and Jim Spanarkel, also a halftime show with highlights of the first half and what the NJ Nets like to call “Ask the Announcers”, a ridiculous segment full of trivia, fan questions, and crazy hi-jinx.

I’m sure my suggestions could be applied to many teams with a little local flair based on fan input, especially since the NBA is a four or five team race to the championship now. A large part of what keeps NBA fans coming back for more is how hard we laugh at how pathetic many of these teams are, and even more than that, how ashamed most fans are to be affiliated with such failure.

Thanks for hearing me out, and I hope my suggestions can help develop your game to a new level of realism.

Very Truly Yours,

“The Pez Dispenser”

Writer - ETS Daily

David Stern Hops in Bed with Roger Goodell

Today I come to you with some unfortunate news: the NBA is on course to become the NFL. Sadly, I am not talking about getting multiple games every Sunday, on every major network. No what I am referring to is the NBA’s rapid transition into over-regulation, the likes of which this country hasn’t seen (with the exception of the FDR, the Obama, and the Goodell administration). Shades of this move could be seen earlier this season when the NBA fined Milwaukee Bucks rookie Brandon Jennings not for his ridiculously stupid haircut, but for twitting 45 minutes AFTER the game had ended. Soon after the NBA’s resident libertarian Mark Cuban criticized a referee’s poor performance in a game via twitter and was fined $25,000. After the initial fine Cuban fired back with a another tweet stating “can’t say no one makes money from twitter. now the nba does” (notice the lack of capitalization of NBA a clear sign of Mark’s lack of respect for the NBA). Such a move would have caused the more sane and conservative Roosevelt roll around in his grave, as ability to criticize the government and other authority figures was paramount to his belief system.

Despite such erroneous policies, David Stern thought he hadn’t done enough to justify his massive paycheck (in 1996 he had a $35 million five year deal and I assume its only risen), all while the NBA is set to lose roughly $400 million after four years of losing $200 million a year (presumably all from the WNBA and the NJ Nets). But as one of the highest paid commissioners in all of the 90’s who was Stern to look to? Roger Goodell (student of Bud Selig) the epitome of an overpaid and his fascist No Fun League.
While there is surely numerous examples to prove my point I will only focus on the most recent. In a clear smack in the face to Social Darwinist, Stern has decided to ban the chewing of straws during games. Not only does this policy seek to protect people from themselves something that makes Social Darwinist squirm, but it also contains a hallmark requirement for an unjust law; it targets a specific individual. That individual being Dallas Mavericks Star Caron Butler. While some will say this is an attack on Butler, I am wise to the ways of David Stern and realize that this is really a attack on Mark Cuban owner of the Mavericks. Butler has been chewing twelve straws a game for over 12 years now, clearly safety is not Stern’s concern. So why now?

Cuban has been very uppity as of late, with his appearance on WWE Raw and his twitter war and this is Stern’s way of sending him a message. Stern hopes that by changing up Butler’s in-game rituals he can throw him off his grove and derail the Mavs from their previously assured playoff spot. Want further proof? Stern has yet to ban Lebron for chewing gum; gum if swallowed not only poses a chocking risk, but also as revealed in a 1998 study by the Journal of Pediatrics: if swallowed gum can accumulate in the intestines causing intestinal pain and constipation. Will it is doubtful Stern will retreat on this issue, the least he can do is sever ties with Goodell and study under the tutelage of Cuban on issues of law and liberty.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Times They Never A Changed

Bob Dylan is known by different faces to different people. The modern generation may know him best simply for the use of his song, "Times they are a changin' " used recently in the hit motion picture The Watchmen, others know him best for his work with civil rights and other political movements, most however know him simply as a great musician. The one side of Robert, that has managed to escape public memory, at least in recent years, is his abrasive side. Below I present you with my favorite of the many faces of Bobby.

After watching the clip, it is impossible not to fall in love with Dylan. It is axiomatic, that years later Vince McMahon would watch this video and use Dylan's in-your-face attitude as a pro-type for Stone Cold Steve Austin. Throughout the process, Dylan frequently told flat-out lies, for instance stating that his songs had absolutely no meaning, and doing it all with a straight face. But more importantly Dylan did what Steve Austin would do oh so many years later, tell a man who was clearly detached from the wants of his viewers the truth. Steve and Dylan pulled no punches on their respective fat cats, as they were both told they had no understanding of how the companies they ran actually worked. Somehow both manage to do what so few men are capable of today, be honest, crass, and popular with the masses all at the same time. They told their superiors to take their bullshit and walk, all the while urging the masses to question the status quo and the mundane repetitive life it surely leads to. These men are an inspiration to all and an entertaining reminder that just because someone has already made billions of dollars in a given industry and has decades more experience than you doesn't mean they are right. But most important of all it teaches us that you don't have to be polite or professional in any sense of the word in order to become famous and widely popular multimillionaire.
Thanks Bob!
Sunday, February 21, 2010

New Faces, Same Old Heartbreak (ETS Daily Exclusive)

Despite the Knicks acquiring Tracy McGrady, Eddie House, and Sergio Rodriguez, who all played in their first games as Knicks Saturday at MSG, the OKC Thunder still managed to rip Knicks fans' hearts out. McGrady turned in an exceptional game, shooting 10-17 from the field and adding 26 points. He was also 5 of 7 from the line, but it was his last two misses that cost the Knicks the game. Up by 6 with a minute to go in the ballgame, McGrady went to the line and missed both shots, which eventually led to a Thunder comeback, capped off by a Kevin Durant 3 pointer which tied the game with mere seconds left to play. The Thunder would go on to win in OT, 121-118. Speaking of Durant, you know, the guy who has had 27 straight games scoring more than 25 points? Well, he added 36 points of his own. Also for the thunder, Russell Westbrook shot 13-23 for 31 points, along with 10 assists. House scored 24 pts off the bench for New York, and grabbed 5 boards, but all this solid play from the newcomers simply wasn't enough to cast off the same old spell. The Knicks have now lost 6 in a row, and fall to 19-35 on the season, 8 games out of a potential playoff spot with 28 games remaining in the regular season, and one can only assume there are far more stomach punches yet to come. For Knick fans, July 1st can't come soon enough.


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