Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Spoiler: Superbowl Results (ETS Daily Exclusive)

With the Superbowl a mere four day away it is only appropriate to tell everyone what I think will happen because of course I have special knowledge on the situation that other mortals can only dream of. First off there is no doubt in my mind the Colts will win this game, mainly because my mind is so full of knowledge that there really isn’t any room to fit any doubt but also because I know exactly how this game is going to play out. I’m skeptical about giving away to many details about the early parts of the game as my man Jim McMahon will be appearing in the 24th anniversary reshoot of the Superbowl Shuffle (see bottom) but this time under the sponsorship of Boost mobile and their $50 dollar plan and I would hate for anyone not to tune into that simply because they knew the first quarter result. So what I can tell you is that at the half the Colts will be leading the Saints by two touchdowns, upon which Peyton Manning will audible away the clock. Late in the 3rd Drew Brees will lead the Saints to a touchdown, Barely flustered Peyton will slowly march down the field, once again audibling away the clock only to settle for a field goal. At this point the Saints will miss some desperation shoots leading to a Colts win by a margin of 10. While I can’t tell you anything more detailed than that, what I can guarantee you is that Peyton Manning will dull down the game. Before the readers jump down my throat, I will admit I love and respect Peyton, he’s talented, he’s a machine, he has the ability understand all aspects of both offense and defense, and of course he’s funny. However if Peyton announced tomorrow that he was retiring from football to peruse a career as a professional commercial actor I would not shed a tear. Peyton is great in those commercials and in my opinion is far more entertaining off the field than on, he’s just too predictable, I’d much rather watch the human interception machine Jay Cutler at least he mixes it up. To further my point on last time I will cite a competitor (who will remain nameless) , according to said competitor the average game only contains 10 minutes and 43 seconds of action from whistle to whistle, considering Peyton uses up 38 seconds of the 40 second play clock with audibles (which admittedly is why he is so effective I’m sure that 11 minutes of action will be much lower this Sunday. (head to 2:10 for your daily dose of McMahon)


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