Saturday, February 13, 2010

Forecast: Five More Years of Terror (ETS Daily Exclusive)

With Groundhog Day still fresh in our minds, it is only fitting to do a report on another rodent who recently reared his ugly head: Roger Goodell. As you may have heard team owners recently agreed to extend Roger’s already incredibly cushy contract by another five years, at about $10 million a year after bonuses. Since taking office the Gestapo of fun has seemingly done everything wrong, even his noble effort at player conduct reform amounted to a joke. Some honest players were railroaded by the system, all the while Bill Bilicheck got a slap on the wrist for Spygate, as according to Roger a fine (which I am sure Mr. Kraft who so vehemently supports this policy reimbursed Bill for), would be far more effective than suspending Bill. Why would it be more effective? Because Roger loves the Patriots and he loves when they win, a Bilicheck-less Patriots might not make the playoffs (although I think at that time Lord Thomas Brady could have gotten them their without a coach), and the Patriots out of the playoff means less bonuses for Roger. For more evidence on Roger’s obvious bias check out the Brady rule, as well as his love affair with Jerry Jones who is for some reason exempt from revenue sharing. I hate Pete Rozelle with a passion for a lot of his policy, but the one thing he did right was revenue sharing, it’s easy to hate revenue sharing when you own a big market team, but I digress. With controversy quickly compiling what does Roger announce next? Roger decides that not only do teams not need revenue sharing to stay afloat, but also that they don’t need a cap on team spending. Roger who up until now has been the second worst sports commissioner is quickly learning from the worst Bud Selig. Won’t it be wondrous when NFL playoff brackets become as predictable as the MLB? Watch as teams like the Raiders and Bills get worse and worse while the Cowboys buy everything they haven’t been able to earn in the past 10 years.

Roger claims this policy is only in effect to avoid the impending 2011 lockout, but I doubt that. Even after Roger’s announcement, NFL Players Association executive director DeMaurice Smith made a statement that there is a 140% chance there will be a lockout. As much as I love NFL football I would love to see Roger with egg on his face. The man thinks he’s a godsend, he pretends he’s a saint. Last year Roger took a salary freeze as it was in his mind in the best interest of the NFL. Roger walked away with a measly $9,759,000, wow Roger what sacrifice! Lucky for the fans some teams are taking the high road and vow to stay within the realms of what a salary cap would be. One such the Pittsburg Steelers, acknowledge that this may hurt their competiveness, say that foresight (something Roger completely lacks) is more important. The Steelers recognize that when the salary cap is re-imposed teams will be forced to breach contracts, anger veterans, cut salaries and likely take a page out of the movie The Replacements. Personally I’m willing to take a year without the NFL if it means the end of Roger’s Reign, this is Rogers first time dealing with labor negations, and I pray team owners can him at the first sign of failure. Should Roger fail, fear not football fans, as the UFL is too the rescue. While the UFL has nothing on the XFL, it does have the backing of Mark Cuban, and it doesn’t have Roger. Just think with Roger removed from power; we can look forward to playful antics from the likes of Chad Ochocino and Terrell Owens. Maybe we’ll get a commissioner that doesn’t see fun as one of the seven deadly sin.


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